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So if you haven’t seen it, that’s the tagline for NBC’s newest steaming pile of reality show, The Baby Borrowers. But when you think about it, isn’t all reality TV the best form of birth control there is? Honestly, who can watch 5 minutes of Tila Tequila, Bret Michaels, or Tyra Banks’ crew of underfed crybabies without questioning the desire to bring a child into the world? I would think that the mere possibility of birthing a child that might end up on the 20th season of Rock of Love is enough to make anyone sterile for a very long time.

I love my new place. I really do. I live three miles from where I work (go ahead, mutter curses under your breath as you stare at your most recent gas receipt), I have friends who live merely steps away, and there’s a handful of restaurants and shopping nearby. It’s a real peach of a place to live.

However, there are a few very small negatives. One of these is that a three-mile, straight-shot commute to work can make for some redundant scenery. Case in point: a certain buffet-style restaurant with a name that invokes images of a precious metal and the scene of a gunfight in a famous western movie. If you’re not sure of the name, maybe this picture will “ring a bell”…

Ok, probably not unless you’re a movie nerd like me. Anyway, on the sign in front of this restaurant, there is currently an ad for the all new “Captian’s Table” seafood buffet. Yes, that’s what it says – Captian. Not Captain, as in the commander of a ship. Or Caption, like the oft-hilarious broken English found adorning cat photos at ICanHasCheezburger.com. Not even Caspian, the mythical Prince of Narnia. You, my friends, have the privilege of sharing a table with Captian, benevolent patron saint of the all new seafood buffet.

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If you ever get a little down on yourself, I’ve got a great tip: check out the local craigslist items for sale/free. I’m actually in the market for a cheap guitar, so I’ve spent a little time lately perusing the pages. I have to say, It’s a great reminder that there are good qualities to just about anything you can imagine. People get really creative in the ways they describe what can sometimes best be described as junk.

For instance, I saw a real dinosaur of a microwave that the owner was giving away. I’m sure you’ve probably seen one before, the type with only two large dials to determine the cooking time and the power level. They started with praise for its oatmeal-warming capabilities, and they finished with this beauty of a tagline:

Great for an older person or a hung over college student who doesn’t want to mess around with digital buttons first thing in the morning!

That, I must admit, is pure gold. Keep in mind, they were giving it away, so they probably didn’t even have to put forth that extra effort. I’ve been toying with the idea of emailing this person and offering them a job as my publicist. You know, whenever I go out, I’d send them out an hour or so ahead of me to hype up my arrival. Couldn’t hurt, right?